


Living On A Prayer

by OrnateDragon



Series: Rock Love Songs [2]
Category: Cricket RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:48:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25423420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrnateDragon/pseuds/OrnateDragon
Summary: Living On A Prayer: B-side [Bilbo-side] to ‘You Give Love A Bad Name’.Sam's feelings around Jase's inability to commit.
Relationships: Sam Billings/Jason Roy
Series: Rock Love Songs [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2122251
Comments: 12
Kudos: 6





	Living On A Prayer

**Author's Note:**

> Encouraged by SherlockGuineapig, here's Sam's version of Jase's shilly-shallying around committing to each other.

Sam is selfish, he _knows_ this, but it doesn’t stop him wishing that Jase wants more than their current bit-more-than-casual relationship. Sam’s ready for sleepy morning cuddles and late loving nights everyday, and the only person he can picture in his bed, in his life, is Jase. He knows that without Jase, he’d be lonely for the rest of his life, that he would never find anyone to take the space that Jase has stolen in his life.

Of course, Sam thinks (hopes, doesn’t want to think it’s because Jase doesn’t love him) there’s _more_ to Jase’s inability to commit to Sam, something connected to a previous relationship than Jase is saying.

Sam doesn’t want to pry of course, doesn’t want to cause the pain that he sees flash across Jase’s face sometimes, but there’s something Jase isn’t telling him, something that scares Jase every time Sam brings up getting more serious, and it hurts Sam so much, because it’s clear that it hurts Jase too.

Sam’s had bad relationships before, and helped others through theirs, so he knows the occasional tension in Jase’s frame, the minute changes that suggest Jase’s not comfortable with whatever’s happening. He knows Jase goes quiet when there are nastily raised voices, that sometimes the way Sam touches him or moves within Jase’s personal space bubble will make Jase flinch, even if they both pretend it’s not happening. And it hurts Sam every time, because he just wants Jase to be happy (preferably with him).

He knows that he’s a fool in love, that he would let Jase be anything, do anything to him, the way he’s always ready to take Jase back without a word after they’ve not spoken, no matter how long it’s been (once it was three months, and Sam’s heart broke when Jase arrived on the doorstep, no warning because they hadn’t spoken or texted each other since Jase ran away late one night after panicking when Sam did something (Sam spent the entire three months going over and over that night, trying to work out what he’d done so that he could never do it again, because Jase _actually literally_ ran out of the door, ignored Sam’s attempts to contact him. Sam did his best not to pressure Jase, not to use his tears and worry to manipulate Jase’s feelings, but he couldn’t help the sob that burst out on the last voicemail he left, saying he’d give Jase space. Not the first time, or the last, that Sam’s cried over Jase, although he tries so hard not to do it around Jase), because he looked so sheepish and nervous, and Sam just fell into his arms, fell in love all over again, didn’t need words to tell him that Jase did care) because Sam pushed and Jase withdrew.

And Sam, he felt really silly, still does, but he secretly borrowed one of his sister’s magazines the third time Jase backed off, read the article about how to tell if you need to give up on your man, took the quiz, but it just left him feeling more confused and worried about everything.

Jase does care about him, Sam can feel it in the way they are together, but there’s something holding him back from saying, doing, something to show Sam how much. It’s like Jase doesn’t trust him fully, and Sam doesn’t know how to make Jase see that Sam would give him the entire world, or burn it down to protect him, not without pressing on bruises that are obviously freshly blooming for Jase. Sam worries about the pain he sees sometimes in Jase’s eyes, the nerves that show when Sam tries to nudge Jase to talk about their relationship, even though Jase has only had casual low-stress girlfriends in the two-and-a-half years they’ve known each other.

There’s nobody really he can discuss it with either, because while he’s out and proud with the Kent boys, he knows Jase isn’t as ready to shout it from the rooftops. He just hopes Jase has somebody he can talk to, because he doesn’t want Jase to be suffering alone, whatever the reason.

***

It’s a grey and dreary afternoon in late March, a week before preseason training starts, and Sam’s debating having a last takeaway before he is subjected to the nutritionist and the diet. His phone ringing startles him, and he almost knocks it off the am of the sofa. He pretends he doesn’t feel the way his heart almost leaps up into his throat when he sees it’s Jase calling him, has to swallow hard before he answers, trying to keep his voice calm. Jase doesn’t often call, they prefer, Jase prefers messaging, plain text and unambiguous emojis.

He does cry on this call with Jase, without trying to hide it, can hear Jase’s voice thick with emotion as he says he wants to talk, to explain some things, but that he hopes it will all be good for them. When Jase asks if he can come over right then, Sam doesn’t hesitate, tells him the rest of the family is away so Sam knows they’ll be alone, he’s sure Jase needs them to be alone and undisturbed for this.

Sam hastily tidies up a little, washes his face, he thinks this is going to be upsetting for them both and doesn’t want to start the conversation with swollen eyes and a snotty nose, even if that’s the likely way it will end.

It’s less than 40 minutes after the phone call ends that Sam’s doorbell rings, even though he’d given Jase a spare key long ago. Jase must have driven seriously fast, and Sam thinks he’d be happy to pay any speeding tickets if it means Jase is staying with him (yes, he knows how that sounds, like he’d forgive Jase just about anything, if they were wholeheartedly together, and he thinks, short of cheating or abuse, he would), but there’s resolve and hope in his eyes as Sam opens the door. Jase is first to step forward, the kiss he bestows is soft and Sam yet again gives his heart without reservation.

***

Sam’s so late to the first day of preseason training, even though he lives just down the road, he might have been better off skipping it entirely with some excuse or other.

Because Jase had stayed the entire week, after the four hour conversation that did indeed leave them both in tears but clinging to each other, swearing that this love would last, Sam had had the start of the rest of his life, early mornings and late nights curled up with Jase, and he wishes they hadn’t had to get out of bed this morning.

Jase had left before him, hurrying back to the Oval to tell Jade (and Sam’s so glad that Jade was there for Jase, that Jase had support even if Jade didn’t know all the details), but dashing back to kiss Sam so many times along the path from the bed to his car to make sure Sam knew he’d rather have stayed in bed as well. After Jase’s car had disappeared round the corner, Sam shut the door and collapsed to the hallway floor, knowing he was already late but unable to make himself move quickly, too busy beaming and dreaming of Jase.

***

Walking onto the field, seeing all the faces turn to look at him, Sam tugs futilely at his collar, knowing it won’t hide the marks Jase left up and down his neck in benediction (all over him actually, though he’s keeping that to himself right now, a warm glow flooding through him that Jase does love him and always will), but unable to hide both the smile and the shyness he feels.


End file.
